How Do You Survive Being Needed?

How many times a day does someone need your help? Do you hear “MOM!!” one hundred million times? Do you spend every waking moment of every day caring for other people and taking care of them? How do you survive being needed when you are emotionally out of gas?

Oh the Responsibility! How Heavy it Weighs!

As much fun as it is to be a mom, it can sometimes take a mental and emotional toll always being needed by everyone for everything. Can you honestly remember a time you weren’t worried about someone else’s schedule? If their clothes were folded? Is dinner made for everyone? Are the kids’ lunches made for school? If the dog needs to go out? Seriously the dog too. It feels like everyone always needs something.

I went to the dentist a few weeks ago. My husband was home with the kids. I have never enjoyed going to the dentist as much as I did that day! I didn’t have to worry about who needed a snack or if I had the diaper bag with me. Who had their shoes on? This girl! I only had to worry about myself for a bit. It was so enjoyable to sit at the dentist and not have to try and get my girls to settle down or play quietly. I was honestly a bit sad when they called me in for my cleaning five minutes after I got there. Seriously this should happen more often, but my husband has been working crazy overtime so whenever we find family time we like to spend it together.

So How do you Survive Being Needed 24/7?

But for real, sometimes it seems like you can’t mentally take being needed by one more person for even one more thing. So how do you survive being needed every day? How do you keep going on when realistically, being needed and being a mom isn’t going to change anytime soon. Let’s check out some simple ideas, shall we?

1. Eat Something

This seems a bit silly I know but there is a reason the term “hangry” was invented. If you are like me it is super easy to forget to eat when you are busy. When you do get to eat it’s probably cold or even better, toddler leftovers. I know I feel a lot more irritable and less patient when I am hungry. It makes me a lot more willing to help my daughter find her special notebook if I am also not hungry while we look. It doesn’t even have to be a whole meal. Seriously grab a granola bar or a few carrot sticks. Something to make you feel less hungry and more centered so you can multitask more efficiently.

2. Take The Time When You Can Find It

If your husband is home, go grocery shopping alone and soak up the time to clear your head for a few minutes. My husband picks on me for my long showers…well let’s be clear… it depends on the type of shower. Am I shaving? Washing my hair? Conditioning hair mask? OR mayyybbeeee hiding from the kids for five minutes since he is home so I can safely assume they are still alive. Find your moments when you can!

3. Call A Friend!

Honestly just taking five minutes to vent to a friend about your day, your kids, or their attitudes, can seriously make you feel better. Having someone to sympathize (don’t call the judgy friend!) who will help you feel like someone listened to you and your feelings for five minutes, is shockingly helpful. I have a friend that I literally just send her one text about what is going on. We usually spend ten minutes sending funny GIFs back and forth. Instant mood boost and again I realize someone else gets it and has gone through it.

4. Ask For Help

If your husband is around, ask him to help wrangle kids while you make dinner, or toss the kids in the bath while you vacuum. My husband is incredible about asking what I need help with and what he can do. The amount of times I take him up on that offer is regrettably not what it should be. Yes, there are times I want to let him rest because he is sick or working a double shift. But other times I just feel like I HAVE to be the one to do it because I’m the mom.

I should be trusting and depending on my partner way more then I do. Also, totally utilize the older kids if you have them! My daughter is a champ at helping me pick up sister’s toys, feeding the dog, or getting Sister’s sippy cup off the table when she can’t reach it. Older children are far more capable than we usually give them credit for, and in most cases excited to be helping out with the “grown-up things.”

5. Plan Ahead

I seriously set out breakfast dishes the night before sometimes. The coffee maker is ready to go. My daughter’s lunch is made for school, she picked out her clothes the night before, and the tea kettle is filled for making oatmeal. I will have as much done the night before because let’s be honest…if you start the morning out in a bad mood, it tends to stick with you throughout the day.

If I can relax and drink coffee while my daughter gets dressed, then pour the water in her oatmeal after it’s hot, it just seems to go smoother. Not only is it quicker and I don’t have to think so hard in the morning, but when I feel less stressed and not as rushed for time, then it doesn’t bother me as much when my daughter wants two braids like Ana instead of a ponytail. It’s easier to enjoy helping people when you are less stressed. I am able to survive being needed when I feel in control of my responsibilities.

6. Write Down The Plan

To piggyback on number 5, it helps (if you are a list person,) to write it down ahead of time. I feel a lot better when I get up every day and can look at the list I made the night before of things we have to do that day. There is less stress, and when everyone needs help with something and I already am in the middle of five other things, it’s easier to feel in control of my time and my day. When I’m not trying to mentally remember a list, it eliminates one worry.

7. Quiet Time

When all else fails and you are just at the end of the rope, take some quiet time if you can. My oldest daughter is almost five and doesn’t usually take a nap. When I need the time or maybe she needs her attitude adjusted because she is cranky, I will have her go lay down for 30 minutes of rest time. She can have a book or toy, and honestly, I don’t even mind if she watches a cartoon on the kindle. Her door is shut and I have a few minutes to mentally pull myself together. Have a cup of coffee, sneak some chocolate, lay on the couch and just be quiet. It’s okay to need a break sometimes.

8. Make Them Do It!!!

Survive being needed by being needed less! This may be a bit of a long term kind of goal, but it will pay off. Teach your kids how to open a string cheese, where it is located in the fridge, and to throw away the wrapper. Make your kids help put things back in the fridge after meals, scrape their plates in the garbage and put them in the dishwasher.

My daughter can put on her coat, zip it, and hang it back up when we get home. She is responsible for bringing her laundry basket into the laundry room and putting her clothes in the washer if she wants them clean. She thinks it’s fun! Then I lift her up so she can put in the detergent and push the button. Guess what happens when she is taller? She can do it all herself! Teach them to do basic chores and be self-sufficient so that as they get older they can handle some of the daily basics without any help.

9. Self Reflect, Survive Being Needed by Knowing what You Need!

Don’t skip this one! Okay, think super hard here for a minute. Do you as a mom, in most circumstances enjoy being needed and helpful to everyone? Most of us DO enjoy being needed and feeling essential to everyone. The difference may be that you are truly feeling unwanted or underappreciated. It is exhausting hard work, sometimes if you aren’t reminded of why you are doing something it can seem pointless.

Try and encourage gratefulness and appreciation in your house. It does not need to be some big ordeal, but remind your husband that you appreciate how hard he works or that he took over bath time duties. Tell your kids, when you see them sharing or being kind, that you are proud of them. Thank them for being helpful and putting away their OWN laundry or emptying the dishwasher. Vocalizing our gratefulness of each other creates an environment where everyone feels comfortable sharing and more willing to appreciate what we do for each other.

I can almost guarantee that if you start this, it will not only help remind you why they need you and how much you love them, but also that the gratefulness that you so freely shared will probably make it’s way back to you. You need to feel that your hard work is recognized by the people who matter most to you.

Survive Being Needed…Combat the Emotional Drain

So everyone and their friend’s second cousin’s best friend twice removed needs something from you. Try and stay positive and happy because that need will not be going away anytime soon. You can, however, survive being needed. By being able to recognize what YOU need, and to feel better about it and manage it, will help you on those tough days. The days where all you want is a quiet house, no chores, a bottle of wine and a Blue Bloods marathon. Give yourself a break, we are all humans and subject to hurt feelings, exhaustion and the occasional crappy mood for no good reason. Deal with it the best you can and move on to tomorrow.